my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she told me i tasted like america
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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