I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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