a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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