Got a toothbrush?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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