I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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