I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
