she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
