I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have aggressive nipples.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
