oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We're too hungover to prance.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
