paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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