At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
