This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
