I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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