so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
