I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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