i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
