My cat gives me a boner
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
