On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
