Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
