hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
