Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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