ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
