im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
