I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
