I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am in a vortex of obligation.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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