Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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