btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
