Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I love you.
Bad choice
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