I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
