So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
