never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
