she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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