Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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