Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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