I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
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