Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
