Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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