She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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