Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
