He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
