i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
