p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
