you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
