I have demons in me.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
