If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
