Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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