um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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