an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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