Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
