Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
