I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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